The Greatest Challenge in my Career

In a recent function I attended at YMCA, talking to school children on positive thinking, a smart kid asked me-

"Aunty, what is the greatest challenge in your career?"

"Gender discrimination." I answered without thinking. He looked confused, so while thinking of how to make myself clearer, I realized with shock that it WAS indeed the honest answer. 

In the first ten years of my career as a woman IPS officer, I had to wage a literal war with the myriad tones and tenors of this menace in open as well as subtle ways. This still continues, Kerala being the State it is and male psyche being what it is. But after years of dealing with it, now I know how to tackle it effectively at all levels. 

I was thrilled that I got my home cadre. Ice was thrown on this thrill when an officer told me on the first day of my joining the service in the State- "Sreelekha, you know? Last week at the senior officer's conference in Police Head Quarters, the Director General of Police announced that a woman IPS is coming to pollute our department which gave some amusement to the senior officers. We all laughed." 

My God! Even if he was speaking the truth, why did he have to tell me this? It was the first in its long series.

Fortunately I didn't have to work very long under this DGP, who, by the way, was always a true gentleman in his behavior to me. 

My family, friends, teachers and the society including the media welcomed me as the first woman Indian Police Service officer in the State. But I was totally unwelcome to the Department. The senior officers sympathetically wanted to give me soft jobs considering my gender. When I demanded same treatment as my male colleagues, it wasgiven with a lot of hesitation and comments such as- "you need not do it, you know? We understand your limitations," which irritated me to no end.

When I was Assistant Superintendent of Police, there was a junior officer who never appeared in front of me. Whenever I called him, he would be either on leave on on court duty. I have heard his voice on phone, but months went by without my seeing him. I went by surprise to his office once, but he was not there. Suddenly he applied for a transfer and went on long leave. I was naturally puzzled. So I asked others if there was anything wrong with him. A Deputy Supdt of Police told me after much persuasion- "There is nothing wrong with him, but I believe he told other officers that he can salute any idiot of a male, but never a woman. Probably he wanted a transfer because of his reluctance to salute you, madam."

Really??? What a chauvinist! 

Years later, fate had it for him to work with me. That time he came in front of me in uniform and saluted. I played with him for the fun of it. "Is this how you salute a senior officer? Such a shame! Do it properly again." I demanded. He saluted again. "No, no. Your hand was hiding your eyes. Again. This time make it smarter." I ordered. He saluted again. "What a shame! I think you need further training in this. Stand in attention and salute." I barked. The poor thing saluted again, trembling. I disliked myself for doing it, but I made him salute again saying. "You can not even salute your seniors properly. Count to three once you put your hand up and then bring it down fast. Do it again." Six salutes for the one he refused to give long back! Fair enough, I thought.

After 10 months of doing a sub division, the DGP who did not like my face for reasons known only to him transferred me to the District Crime Records Bureau. I was ASP of DCRB for the first time in the history of Kerala Police since no IPS officers are generally posted outside of a sub division. The crime I committed which caused this transfer? I got married!

I asked the DGP why I got transferred to such a horrible post where usually officers who are corrupt and unwanted in the department or officers on reinstatement from suspension are usually posted. He replied to my utter horror- "You should thank me for this transfer. Now you can get pregnant and have children without any tension of doing a sub division."

I told him at once, "You are not the person to decide when I should have children. My husband and I are quite competent to take decisions on subjects like this," which won me my second adverse comments in the Annual Confidential Report. The first was from my trainer SP who made me attend over 80 public functions during my training as ASP saying that a police officer should have maximum public contact and then wrote in the ACR that I was crazy for publicity!

Male police officers just can not tolerate any good deeds done by a lady officer which would lead to media highlights. They would immediately devise ways to damage the reputation of that lady officer with false stories and rumors. I had to face several such wrong allegations purely based on male fantasy and ego of which I had written earlier. 

In case disciplinary action is taken against a male subordinate officer, he would go to any extremes to see that the reputation of his lady boss is tarnished.

Posters calling me horrid names appeared in and around my residence after I sent four of my subordinates for intensive training at the battalions for violation of rules. During night, all the doors and windows of the rented accommodation I was staying were repeatedly scratched with knives by some people refusing me sleep. 

When eleven of my junior officers were suspended from service in another instance when I was SP of a District, life was made hell for me by not only these officers, but by my DGP too. There were attempts to kidnap my 5 year old son from school, attempt to cause bodily injury to my husband who was traveling daily in a bus to the hospital which was 70 km away and attempts were made to sneak gold bars into my quarters to get the house raided by Enforcement Wing. In addition to these, false adverse reports against me were appearing in the media on a daily basis. For several months no substitutes were posted in lieu of those officers under suspension and when I asked the DGP to post officers, he rudely remarked- "You were the reason for such a mass suspension, I do not intend to post any substitutes. You may do all their work too." 

I still do not know what made him say this, but till the day I was transferred from the District, the DGP saw to it that no substitutes were posted! It is punishment to me that I detected corruption of officers who got suspended from service. Years later, all these officers were reinstated and cases against them disposed off giving them full pay and allowances for the period they were under suspension. The corrupt got their paid holidays and all benefits, the officer who detected corruption got punished with extra hard work and harassment galore!

An IGP conveyed to me once through his confidential assistant that I should wear sari to office. I was posted in an administrative post in the Head Quarters and liked wearing salwar kameez or churidar being very convenient . I continued to wear salwar since there was no official Government orders regarding dress code in office. This displeased him, so the next time I went to his room for an official discussion, he asked eyeing my dress, "Why are you not obeying my orders?"

"What orders, sir?" I asked innocently.

"You should wear sari in office."

"There are no Government directions to support your order. I will wear what I feel comfortable in." I replied.

He stood up suddenly and said, "It is not because of any Government orders. It is because you look good in sari."

My God!  I asked him how he dared to speak like this which made his face red. All the hairs in his ear stood upright and he trembled with anger. "This is my order. Just obey me. You are supposed to." He shouted.

"I am not supposed to. You try making me obey to your stupid orders and I report against you." I shouted back, winning my third adverse ACR remark from him.

I worked in the Central Bureau of Investigation for four years. I enjoyed the three years I worked as SP in Kerala, but on my promotion as DIG, I got transferred to Delhi although I was promised a posting in Bangalore where there was a vacancy. When I joined Delhi, I reminded the Director, CBI of the earlier promise. "Work here for 3 months after which I'll send you to Bangalore." He said.

Three months passed, fifth and sixth month passed. I was given a post and room next to the Director and he made it a habit to summon me very occasionally to his room for silly reasons even late in the evening. He seemed to have forgotten his promise. My batch-mate joined CBI around that time, hoping to get a posting in Delhi. To both our surprises, he got posted in the vacant post in Bangalore. I went to the Director and asked him why he did not post me in Bangalore.

"I want you here." Simple.

"I don't want here." I replied. This irritated him. Director, CBI is very powerful and no one talks back at him. He raised his brows.

"Then go back to your cadre." He ordered.

The next day I wrote a letter requesting for repatriation from CBI to my home cadre. He refused to send it to Government for two months! He refused to give me even a day's casual leave and started harassment, shouting at me during conferences, saying that my work was horrible to other officers, blaming me for mistakes of others and alienating me from his office. 

It was after I met the Minister and the Secretary of Department of Personnel and Training that I got orders allowing my repatriation. After nine months of torture in Delhi. And the Director wrote in my ACR- "Work is good, but she cares more for her family than her job." This was not considered adverse so was never communicated to me. I came to know of this remark much later when my empanelment as IGP in the Center got delayed. The Director blamed my family too for his dislike of me!

Gender discrimination continues even today. But now I have become an expert to handle this and it does not affect me as much as it used to. 

It is not my fault that I am born a woman. But I take responsibility for this career, my achievements, respect and the appreciation from those I serve. I love this profession and have no regrets despite the small hurdles on the way to progress. I am happy that I cleared the path for my successors in this career. And I am proud that the hurdles others put on my path have made me stronger. 

Challenges in life and career are inevitable. It is how you face them that matters.

Planning to visit Goa? Don't stay at Marriot!

I went to Goa, for the first time, on 9th and 10th April 2015 to attend the South Indian Transport Council Meeting, of which I am the Secretary. Unfortunately, the conference venue was Hotel Marriott and I was booked a room there by the organizers. 

The flight from Trivandrum to Goa was a hopping one, actually it hopped thrice since take off- Bangalore, Hyderabad and Pune till it reached the destination. It took 7 hours for me to reach Goa airport.

I had stayed at Marriott in London in May 2012 for a week and  it was a wonderful experience. My husband and son joined me in London making it all the more lovely.

But at Marriott in Goa, I was made to wait in the lobby for almost 35 minutes. I didn't mind waiting at first since the view was breath-taking. The lobby overlooked the sea although it was at a much lower height and the wind was pleasant even in the height of summer. I was hungry by then since all I had was a sandwich from the flight which they repeated after every stop and which I refused after the first one. When I went down to the restaurant for a bite, the staff  asked me for the room number. When I said it was still to be allotted, they suggested I have some juice before going for the full lunch. This irritated me, so I went up since some officers who came to attend the conference were waiting to see me and by the time I finished chatting with them they told me that my room is ready.

So, I checked in to room 235 by 3 pm though I reached the hotel just after 2.15 from the airport. The drive from airport to Marriott took an hour.

Being the secretary of the conference, I hurried to the conference room after changing into a saree in half an hour. The pre-inaugural business session was to start at 4.30 pm and the Union Minister for Transport was to inaugurate the Conference at 7 pm. 

As is common in India, (IST- Indian Stretch Time!) the business session started at 5.30 pm and Minister arrived at 10.00 pm! By the time it was over, the time was 11.15. There an official dinner arranged in an adjacent room, which I found over crowded on getting there and I presumed by the time I finish dinner after standing in the queue, it would be tomorrow. I woke up at 4 am that day to catch my 6'O clock flight so I was tired and had a headache. Besides, I am not much of a foodie and thought the coffee I had during the break would suffice for the night. 

I had a peaceful, dreamless sleep till 7 am on 10th and woke up refreshed and very hungry! The session that day was supposed to start at 10 AM. I took a bath and went downstairs for the breakfast by 8 AM. 

I sat on a table. The waiter asked me if I needed tea, I asked for coffee and went around the tables to see the spread. I took a bowl and mixed some cereal, wheat flakes and rice crispies and poured some hot milk on it... when the witch turned up!

She wore a white mini skirt and white shirt. She had a yellow smiley pinned on her shirt pocket. She was slim and fair and smiled, from a distance she must look cute, but her face looked like a witch, especially in hindsight. She asked me if I came to attend the conference and I was honest. "For delegates of conference, breakfast is arranged in the adjacent hall. Please go there." She said.

"In the same hall where dinner was arranged yesterday?" I asked, putting down my untouched cereal bowl.

"That I don't know, I wasn't there yesterday, but I am instructed to tell you that you should eat from there," she smiled.

"I stay in a room here, in this hotel. I prefer to eat from here." My tummy grumbled as I eyed the delicacies around.

"It is the same arrangement next room. Come, I'll show you." She led me from the restaurant to the hall nearby, the same hall I avoided getting into for the last night's dinner. Two men in white were busy arranging something there. Witch left me at their mercy.

"What do you want?" one man asked. 

"Cereal with hot milk. Toast and boiled eggs." I told him.

"Oh, we don't have that. Only idly sambar is available." He smirked. What???

"Ok, I'll have idly then," I conceded since my tummy was really growling.

"Oh, you will have to come at 9.30. It is not yet ready." He said.

Something snapped inside me. I was far too hungry and my mood changed in a jiffy. 

I shouted at the waiter-"Stuff your idly and yourself! I am a guest staying in this hotel. I want to see your restaurant manager ASAP!" My inherent police qualities came out.

I was escorted from the hall back to the restaurant to which people were slowly straming in for breakfast.

"What sort of attitude is this?" I shouted at the boy who claimed to be Manager of Food & Beverages, mindless of the staring eyes. 

"It is a misunderstanding. We were instructed to escort delegates of the conference to the other hall," he said.

"Who instructed you? Besides, I am not just a delegate, I am the Secretary of the conference and a guest of this hotel. Isn't breakfast included with room rent? I come from the land of Idly, I don't want it. I want to eat from here. I want some continental food and I am starving!" I was in a foul mood.

"We will get your cereal madam." At last, I got a 'madam' from someone!

I looked around for the bowl I placed on the table, it was missing. It maddened me further.

"You throw away food, but do not let your guests eat? I am a senior police officer from Kerala, I am a guest of the Government of Goa. Do you know you have humiliated and insulted me?" I was on the verge of tears.

"Please sit down madam. Shall I get you coffee?" He offered me a glass of orange juice which I gulped down without thinking. I realized that it tasted like urine! A huge lump formed in my throat. 

I saw the witch near the door, speaking pleasantries to a foreigner. I walked over to her." What is your name, witch? Hiba?"I read from her name plate next to the smiley. "You ruined my day. I'll see that I pay you back and ruin yours!" And I walked out of the restaurant and the hotel.

I had breakfast from a nearby Government resort- Miramar Residency, in the open air. Dosa, chutney, omelette, coffee and kesari. It tasted like heaven. And I shifted to the Police Guest House which poor IGP Goa arranged on a second's notice. I loved my stay at the Police Guest House... an old building with large rooms right in the heart of the city!

Later I came to know from the organizers that food was arranged for delegates of the host State in the hall next to the restaurant and all those who came from other States stayed at their respective hotels were arranged breakfast at their place of stay. Even after I told them that I stayed there, I was denied breakfast at the restaurant! 

I further found that they treated Indians like dirt and were extremely cordial to the guests from abroad. Marriott indeed!

I filed a complaint on line as soon as I arrived. No response so far. Over the net, I saw blogs and laments of several tourists who kept saying that their complaints to Marriot were ignored. I also saw that Marriott gave themselves 5 stars and probably write false reviews too since it is hard to believe some reviews!

Goa is a good place. All sea, beautiful churches, forts, great food and restriction free living. Liquor is sold across the counters in super markets and malls. For every shop, there are two bars. Floating and non floating casinos, discos and eateries... lots of adventure sea sports... Goa indeed a lovely place. But if you go there, avoid Marriott at all costs. The staff is rude, they make you wait and they deny you food and take pleasure in humiliating you.

HOW TO BECOME AN IPS OFFICER- SOME TIPS

Many youngsters ask for guidance to become an IPS officer, one of the readers of my blog recently asked me how to become a 'good' IPS officer! To be an officer in the Indian Police Service is a truly great career. A police officer, especially in a senior rank can do a lot of service to the people and to the society. Doing service to others is extremely satisfying, only by doing this will one realise its beauty. An IPS officer is given Uniform, the authority and the required training in the laws of the land to ensure peace and order and to prevent crimes. In case crimes occur, he/she has the authority to take action to see that the offender is apprehended and he is subjected to the due process of law.
To become an IPS officer, one has to write the Civil Services Examination conducted every year by the Union Public Service Commission. The first stage is CSAT (Civil Services Aptitude Test) held in August, which is a preliminary exam, a qualifying test to see if applicants are eligible to write the mains which is held in December. Those who clear the mains will be called for a Personality Test and based on the overall marks scored, applicants can get into IAS, IFS, IPS and other Central Services. The internet is full of information about the syllabus, the qualifications and criteria required to write the exam and the model question papers. There are several instututions which offer coaching facilities in India, but those who prepare from home without attending any special classes also get into the Civil Services.
OK, introduction is over, now here are my tips.

1. Introspect, if it is really IPS that you want and whether the job will suit you emotionally as well as physically. This is important. You should wish to become an IPS officer only if you are 100% sure that you will make an awesome Police Officer.
2. Have a burning desire to become an IPS officer. Think of yourself in uniform, think of what all good things service to the public you can do as a senior police officer, think & feel the pride of wearing the uniform.
3. It is not a good idea to feel that since someone you know or somebody else is an IPS officer, so should you too be. Please do not aim for the job considering the salary it may fetch you, the dowry/marriage you will get,  the power or false sense of supremacy that it may give you or if you have a score to settle with someone after getting into the job. Aim for the position just because it is a great opportunity to serve the Nation and its people and because it is the most befitting job for you.
4. Of course, it goes without saying that you have to prepare for the exam. Now you can write the Civil Services Exam till the age of 32 and you have 6 chances too. But why do you have to waste so much of time and effort for this? If you are serious, you can clear the exam earlier. When I wrote the exam in 1985 and 1986, I suffered and overworked a lot. I didn't eat or sleep well, but spent that time too to study. I had a terrible complex, so I worked head over heels for it. I cleared the exam in my second attempt, but looking back, I feel I should not have worked so hard and suffered so much to get into it. If you plan it early and work steadily according to a time schedule, it will be much easier to get into the Civil Services.
5. Finally- about being 'good' or 'bad'. All of us are by nature good in everything. Our life, relationships,  health and  job, all of these are intrinsically good and it will remain so until we take an effort to make it bad. If we lie, cheat, are greedy and hate everything and everyone, then our life and relationships become bad. If we smoke, get addicted to alcohol or drugs, misuse or abuse substances and do not take care of our body, then our health gets bad. If we are corrupt, egoistic and too selfish in our job, our job becomes bad. See, being good or bad is entirely dependent on ourselves. So if you become an IPS officer after all the hardwork and dedicated studies, you can only be a good IPS officer unless you choose to become a bad one!
All the best to all young aspiring Civil Servants! May God bless you to get your desires materialised at the earliest!

          TRANSFORMATION.....how did I do this???

                                                       

On the left is a photo of me..  at age 30 as Superintendent of Police, about 20 years back. Dark (may be due to over exposure to sun) weighing around 75 kilos post delivery and face filled with pimple scars! I remained like this till around 2000. Keralakoumudi newspaper & their publications/magazine likes this picture of my ugly self so much that they use this lavishly even now when they refer to me in their articles/news. I chanced across this photograph again recently and realized how much I changed since then.

On the right is a photo taken around two years back. I am like this for the past 10 to 12 years, fairer, thanks to the comforts of the air conditioned office & car and less exposure to sun. I weigh 60-61 kg and my facial skin is devoid of any scars save the fading scar on the right forehead due to a bad fall I had on the road four years back. (That is another story!)

How did I change this much in less than 10 years?

With age, women tend to get fatter and uglier. The few exceptions are film stars Rekha and Sridevi. They have plastic surgeries and Botox injections to thank for and the daily massages at beauty parlors. I have neither the money to waste nor time for beauty care, but I have a great secret that I want to share with you. You too can become pretty if you do what I do every day.

1. Love and respect yourself.  Look at the mirror & smile at your beautiful image!
2. Tell yourself that you are beautiful, fair & slim. Over & over again. At least three times daily.
3. Do 20 minute exercises every day. Walking, stretching, weight lifting- anything. Or climb up & down the stairs. Do gardening. Clean the house, sweep the ground, clean the fans at home, cook, wash dishes. Just sweat it out for 20 minutes. It will do a world of good for you.
4. Throw the left overs of food to the waste bin. That is where they belong. Don't turn yourself to a waste bin, you are too precious for that!
5. Walk & talk like you are beautiful and attractive. Behave as if you are the best in the world. Feel it in your bones. And you will become that!
   
Those who have read self help books from authors like Rhonda Bryne, Deepak Chopra, Esther Hicks and Napoleon Hill would know about the 'law of attraction'. It says that thoughts become reality. I believed in this principle long long before I even heard about it or read the books of the authors mentioned above. Every achievement in my life came out of my thoughts and my fantasies- my job, my family, the books I wrote and published, the awards and recognition I got and now, my dream house. I have attracted the life I have dreamed of! 

It is possible. Dr. A P J Abdul Kalam believes in this. He exhorts children to dream a lot. Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, Arnold Shwarzenegger, Jim Carrey.. all these people believed in this theory and manifested their dreams easily.

For me, it usually takes a lot of time to get my desires fulfilled. And I know the reason. I prevaricate, doubt & have negative thoughts. Sometimes I fear, feel guilty and ask unnecessary questions to myself. All this cause delay, but I get the wishes materialized nevertheless, if I persist.

Try it, it will work for you. But there is a condition.

Do not wish for anything that is harmful to others or that may hurt another in any way. And do not wish anything for others. Wish for yourself and you will get it sooner or later if it is a good wish!

Ask and it shall be given- so says Bible! So, ask.

WHY I WRITE MURDER STORIES???

My third Detective Novel got released in Trivandum on 11th November 2014 at 5.30 PM at the International Book Fair organised by DC Books at Kanakakkunnu grounds. The title of the Novel is Jagarookan- meaning Vigilante.

     This is sequel to my two earlier novels- Maranadoothan (Angel of Death) released in 2009 and Kuzhaloothukaaran (Pied-piper) in 2010. 

    As a police officer, one comes across crimes especially murders, very occassionally during their field posting. Murders are the most gruesome of crimes and each one is different. The motive, the act, the level of violence and the way it gets solved- are never same or similar in two cases. Each case is as unique as the finger prints of individuals. Yet, the definition of murder is same as per law, the punishment is also the same.
  I have always wondered why people commit murders. The circumstances intrigue me. Sometimes for self defence, sometimes for money, sometimes for revenge and at most of the times, at the spurt of the time- in anger, under the influence of drinks/drugs and without thinking. Cold blooded and planned murder are interesting, it is difficult to catch the murderer in such cases because he will be careful in hiding evidences. Despite all his efforts, when we catch him with sustained investigation, it gives immense satisfaction.
  Once such a murderer gave an interesting statement. He said that what he did was not a crime, but the biggest good to the society. The murdered man was such a bad person, so cruel and unwanted and hated by many that by killing him, he cured the society of a cancer! Such justifications makes me think to no end. This thinking makes me write about murders from a different angle. My first short story collection contained 7 murder mysteries and the reason behind each one. 'Manassile mazhavillu' (rainbow within the soul) was its title, quite unfitting title for murder stories. I likened the mentality of each murderer to the 7 colors of the rainbow and tried to give reasons for the same. One story from this book was made into a 25 episode TV series in Asianet long back.
  The idea of writing a Detective Novel  crossed my mind the first time when I investigated a series of murdes of senior citizens. It awed me to see the relief in the eyes of the relatives of the deceased when I questioned them. Of course, it was shocking, but most of them pretended that 'oh, it is no big deal. Anyway they were going to die soon.' They were more worried about the lost gold or money than the loss of their dear parent! Thus was born Rita Mary IPS, created in a little reflection of myself as a young, dedicated and honest police officer who solves crimes. I made her complicated, with a hidden past, as a complex character.
  I am happy with the three novels I created with Rita Mary IPS as the protogonist. People who read the novels appreciated them.

    Although my magnum opus is still the "Lotos Theenikal" (Lotos Eaters) an epic novel which was published in 2011, I want to write more detective fiction with Rita Mary in it!

 

Are women better drivers?

 

 

         In a year, around 36,000 accidents occur in Kerala.

         Statistics in Kerala show that of these traffic accidents, 98% are caused by male drivers. Does it mean 2% are caused by women? NO, in 2% accidents, the drivers are not known. They are hit & run cases!

         Statistics also show that of the total 75 lakh licence holders in the State, only 16% are women and of the 86 lakh registered vehicles, only 9% are owned by women!       

         From the 1.2 lakh women drivers, no one has caused an accident! So, it is safe to assume that women are better drivers than men?

         It is found that women drivers are

1. more cautious, they are not rash

2. do not over-speed

3. obey traffic rules and fear violations

4. do not drink & drive

5. often wear seat belts

       

        However, almost 40% women fail the driving test in the first trial while over 80% men pass their first tests! Why is that? Are women are more scared at the time of testing their driving skills? Also, women take more time to park their vehicles, do not like putting on loud music while driving and hardly ever increase speed beyond 80 km/hr. Men are confident of themselves and in a society where women are perceived as the weaker sex, women drivers are scorned by men. In fact, I have heard it from male drivers several scoffing remarks about women drivers. 

       Whenever a car is slow and my vehicle get stuck behind it, my husband says without fail- "That car at the front? I bet the driver is a woman," much to my chagrin! When I drive, I get a lot of stares and even some dirty comments. If a car driven by women take some time to move after the traffic signal has turned green, then she is scared off with deafening horns from the cars behind her, of course from male drivers. I have seen women two wheelers put to much trouble by men. I once saw a lady in a scooter, scared out of her senses by a man in a bullet who intentionally overtook her through the extreme left, quite close to he. He intentionally swerved the bullet to frighten the lady. She too swerved to avoid collision, slid and fell. When someone pulled her up from underneath her scooter, she went into tremors and vomitted. The cruel man who did this had vanished by then. The injuries on the lady were small, but I heard her swear, "Oh, my husband tells me not to drive this, I'll never do it again!"

         When I was in college, a smart girl used to come in a scooty to college. We admired her quite a lot. One day, she was covered in soot when she reached the college. She went straight to the toilet to clean up. When she came back very wet, I asked her what happed. She told me with a smile- "My neighbour, a boy stdying in engineering college thre cow dung at me!" I was shocked. "Why?" I asked. She replied- "Oh, jealousy. He does not have a vehicle and has to go in a bus to college every day! He tried to hide after he threw dung at me, but I saw him." I feared she may stop riding her scooty from that day. But the next day morning, I saw her riding merrily inside the gate of Women's College with a bigger bag than usual. "Now I pack up an extra pair of dress, you know!" she explained with a wink. 

         I wish women in Kerala had half her spirit!

 

Being Religious

Being Religious

              From childhood, I have been groomed by my parents to be religious. Lighting lamp at Puja room every day at dusk and saying loud prayers were compulsory. My parents, my sisters and brother are very religious, and so was I till yesterday.

              So…what happened yesterday?

              Two horrible experiences made me retrospect and I realized something at the age of 53- that you don’t have to go to temples for God’s blessings. First experience was my first visit to Sabarimala. As SP in Pathamthitta District in 1995-96, two Sabarimala seasons passed peacefully with no major accidents or incidents. A lady District Collector had gone beyond Pampa saying it was on official duty which the devotees objected vigorously that time. So, as SP I too thought of traversing beyond Pampa to carry out my official responsibilities, which the High Court objected and denied me permission. I still remember Justice Smt Usha calling me to her and asking me- “are you very particular to go to Sabarimala?” and me replying- “Madam, to carry out my duties…” which she interrupted and said, “Don’t worry, we are posting a Special Officer in Sannidhanam from this year onwards. You just remotely control him from Pampa.” That day, the feminist in me took a decision that I’ll never go to Sabarimala in my life since Lord Ayyappa is, appears or proclaimed as anti-woman. But I reversed this decision this year when my 80 year old mother insisted that she wants to go one last time to Sabarimala. My father climbed the holy hill more than 40 times and was an ardent devotee. My mother went six times and desired for her seventh visit. She weeps with emotion when she talks of her last visits and often says that when leaving Sabarimala she feels like leaving her child alone in the wild forest.

              The Motor Vehicle Department has started Safe Zone Project in Sabarimala 5 years back. This year we extended it to 300 kilometers to help the pilgrims and to provide ease in traffic. The 70 patrols and 500 officers are on continuous duty since 14^th November. As head of Department, I went for the inauguration of Safe Zone in Elavunkal near Pampa. My mother tagged along wanting to see Ayyappa. She was on a strict vegan diet with plans to climb the hill for a month. I, being a vegetarian had to take no special ‘Vritham’. I obliged my mother and decided to climb the hill for the first time. My officers made a lot of arrangements for me and the police officers on duty were kind enough to help. So, after the inaugural function, I went to Pampa, did the preliminary puja of ‘irumudi kettu’ and took my mother up the hill. She went in a doli, I walked. It was 7 pm by the time we reached Sannidhanam. Without halting anywhere, we climbed the 18 holy steps, had a good darshan and retired to the room given to me.

              Next day at 5 am, we again went to the temple for darshan and immediately climbed down. Back in Trivandrum, the first news which greeted me was that my visit to Sabarimala was made into a controversy by the media! One newspaper wrote for 6 days continuously that Police stopped the other pilgrims and made special arrangements for me and my family members to climb the 18 steps. News went on saying ADGP will enquire, Minister will enquire, action will be taken, pilgrims were put to misery, Sreelekha abused her official positions etc, etc. A picture was also given which even I fail to decipher as me or my mother climbing the steps. Another media declared that only women above 60 (!) could go beyond Pampa and I violated the rule. This went on, putting my poor mother in distress. As usual, media’s mud-slinging went on with their hidden agendas, whatever they are, to peter out in due course. Anyway, this made me decide NEVER to go to Sabarimala again.

              The second incident happened very recently in Guruvayur. I went to the famous temple during one of my official visits to Thrissur and had to come back without seeing Guruvayurappan. I asked my officers and the Police Department for help in darshan since it was Sunday and the temple is overcrowded on Sundays with over 100 wedding ceremonies. I waited for someone to come for more than 30 minutes. I saw several known persons, in service & retired officers going in, accompanied by policemen wearing their blue shawls over the dhoti. I tried to go in without help, but it would have taken me minimum 2 hours for a short darshan standing in the queue. I called several people with pleas for help, no response! I asked Guruvayurappan what to do. He told me, “Why did you come here in the first place? Fool, I am not just here, I am everywhere. Just see me in your mind and pray. And don’t ever come here again!” I went back, weeping tears of joy. A great lesson was learnt! No VIP darshan, no controversies, no targeted media attacks! I prayed to the smiling Unnikrishnan who stood mischievously within my mind all my way back.

              I still believe in the power of God. I still pray a lot. In fact, every day. But if being religious means going to famous temples, then I stopped being religious. No more Guruvayur, Thiruppathi, Palani or Attukaal. God is omnipresent, omnipotent. Do good, be good and abide by whatever you think is correct and good for yourself and others. Then God will be there right next to you, helping you, guiding you and blessing you!

Thank you, Ayyappa…. Thank you Guruvayurappa…!!!!